It feels weird actually writing after so long. I really don’t know what to say. I guess right now, I technically should be in Riverside on my way to Vegas, but it’s funny how things work out sometimes, no? After being really conflicted about whether I should go have fun this weekend or just stay and get an opportunity to spend time with you, the choice was kind of taken out of my hands. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed. (That’s the gambler in me.) But I guess this is what it means to be an adult, worrying about tomorrow today instead of just forgetting all my worries and living in the moment. It’s a little weird; I feel so… adult.
It’s crazy how fast time flies. It seems like only a few days ago it was 2011, and now this year is almost half gone. The optimist in me wants to think that it’s half completed, but I haven’t really completed much. Life is a grind, a monotonous drudgery of waking up, smelling the coffee, and not being able to sleep at night due to a caffeine sensitivity. Lather, rinse and repeat… I can’t help but hope that this isn’t the epitome of adulthood, but somewhere in the back of my mind I know that the only excitement to hope for is standing in line at Starbucks while debating between caramel or mocha. (Wow. When did my writing get so cryptic.) Well, as long as you’re with me, I guess that isn’t so bad. Even though you drink iced green tea and not coffee? ;)
Bah. I had so much to say but I got to reminiscing about when we first met. :P And now I really just can’t wait to see you and get my “consolation prize” :D Only a few more hours. Guess I better get to cleaning…
I can’t believe I just woke up right now. I can’t believe I slept for nine hours straight when I was only supposed to take a short nap… Now my sleep cycle is totally messed up! I guess I’m going to be on “college time” until I have a chance to get it back on track with the starvation trick. I have a nasty taste in my mouth because I fell asleep right after eating…
I started to read your post, but then I realized that I should probably write you a post of your own before I finished reading yours, so that I wouldn’t just subconsciously reword everything you said. Because it’s weird, isn’t it that even after two long years we both have so little to say. (But not in a bad way, right?) Although that is a little worrisome. What if year after year, we have less and less to say until finally we just start IGNORING EACH OTHER?! Ha. I just thought of a lame joke like “that’s marriage” but that’s such a sad way of looking at life. And I refuse for that to become our future. Even though we are way too young to think about anything other than the here and now, it is still nice to dwell on the future once in a while instead of being mired in the past, no?
These two years… hell, this past week even. Have shown me so much about who I am as a person… How little I even know (or want to admit) about myself. Because no matter how “mature” or “independent” I think I am, at the end of the day… well. Listen to the chorus for Lady Antebellum’s song “Need You Now”. I’ve been listening to a lot of country music lately. Like my brother says, “just a bunch of drunk emo cowboys”. Now I don’t know about that, but the lyrics really express how I feel lately. Haha. I know you’re going to hate it, but maybe you won’t complain as much when I get a guitar so I can play you all the country songs I like. By the beach… in Santa Cruz. Haha. I can’t wait.
You know what’s funny? How so many people come up to me asking, “What’s your and Janet’s secret? How do you guys handle a long distance relationship?” And when I think about it long and hard, I can’t really answer them. How am I supposed to tell them, “your love probably wasn’t real” or “you just didn’t trust the other person enough”? But honestly, that seems to be the problem with people in long distance relationships these days… We live in a culture of instant gratification, so people can’t stand the fact that they can’t see their significant other whenever they want. Little do they know, that it’s the waiting that makes the relationship that much stronger. Like a much wiser Ben once said, “Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.” And ever since you went to college, wouldn’t you agree that all most of the useless stupid arguments have stopped? Because when you only get a few times a year to see each other, there isn’t much time for anything but good times. To savor every minute that you’re next to me, because knowing that it might be a few weeks or even months until the next time I see you, makes fighting about petty things that much less worth it. Well anyhow. Starting September, I guess it’s time to stop worrying about “sharpening” our love and start figuring out how to strengthen it. :)
It’s a whole new chapter of our relationship, but it’s one that I have been waiting for for a while… ever since you left to Santa Cruz, in fact. Remember how we were both supposed to end up at UCLA? LOL. That plan didn’t work out so well… I guess that’s one thing that I’m beginning to figure out. You know very well that I’m a “plan-my-work-and-work-my-plan” kind of guy, but lately it seems that no matter what plans I make, they just fall to shit. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m learning to be more spontaneous. I don’t know when I got so cautious, especially because when I think about it I used to DGAF about everything and “YOLO” was my unofficial anthem. Probably somewhere about the time when I moved out and had to worry about real life. Haha. Being a grown up is so boring, you know?
I’m so thirsty. I’ve been downing skittles like there’s no tomorrow while writing you this post, and it’s been almost an hour since I started. Guess I had something to say, after all? :P Even though this is all mostly just random thoughts. You’re probably sleeping right now, and I hope you’re having sweet dreams baby. I don’t know how to say this without beating a dead horse, but you’re the love of my life. And this is still only the beginning, right? Here’s to us baby. I love you more than anything. Thanks for everything.
Until Next Year,
Your (Lucky) Boyfriend
I guess I still can’t sleep peacefully until I know you’re safe in bed.
Sigh.
it’s a gas… Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash…
Wants vs. Necessities:
1. Breedlove Passport C250/CM Acoustic/Electric guitar: $499
2. Bartending School: $450
3. MSF Motorcycle course: $350
4. 2001 Suzuki SV650S: $1,500
5. Canon 5D Mark ii: roughly $1,700 used
Sigh… Maybe I’ll get lucky in Vegas again.
Having just made an important, life-altering decision, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. “Did I make the right choice?” “Will I regret this decision?” “Am I being stupid?” “Did I really not learn anything from BU?” I’m really not thinking clearly at the moment. I’ve been tossing and turning in my bed for almost an hour now, and all the what-if’s that people were telling me to mull over before I made my decision are just now hitting me. At the moment, I feel like I might have made a mistake. A much wiser Benjamin once said, “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” And honestly, right now I’m very much inclined to agree.
But even if he’s right, at least I get to go surfing every day. Can’t. Fucking. Wait. To just hit the beach every morning in my 5/4/3 hooded suit with booties. LOL. Gonna look like a fucking seal. And the pictures I’ll be able to take, and the fact that I’ll be able to bike everywhere without being called a hipster.
Besides school, there’s just so much going on in my life that the only way I can really deal with it all is to not think about it. But it’s at times like these, when the lights are off and I’m all alone with my thoughts, that life has a penchant for creeping up on me and kicking me while I’m down. And I’m honestly sick of it. So here’s to falling off the grid, so there aren’t more opportunities for my days (or nights) to get any shittier.
There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. And I’m determined to figure out what it is.
Here’s to the next chapter in the adventure novel that is life, am I right?
